For most of my life, I romanticized love. I believed in “the one”. In soulmates. In fact, I was obsessed with the Myers-Briggs Golden Pairing of the INTJ and INFJ.
But, here’s the problem when you believe you’re meant to magically find a great relationship.
You hold unrealistic expectations about relationships, and you may give up too easily when faced with challenges.
Conflicts should be easy to resolve
True love should come naturally without much effort
Partners should instinctively know each other’s needs and wants
Now, don’t get me wrong. In some ways, relationships should be easy.
For example, it should be easy to decide if you:
Even like your partner
Even want to be with your partner
Want to spend quality time with your partner
But skills like conflict resolution and effective communication? They (often) don’t come naturally. And so, you and your partner have to work on them.
Most people don’t do that, though.
Rather, whenever an issue arises, they’re met with dissatisfaction and disappointment. Then, they chalk it up to incompatibility, that they’re “not meant to be,” and often end (or consider ending) the relationship prematurely.
Why? Because they think being in a relationship isn’t supposed to be hard. And if you have to work on it, then it isn’t meant to be.
But here’s what I’ve learned.
Being in a relationship is a choice.
It’s a choice to:
Forgive the little things
Stay together when life gets tough
Communicate and have difficult conversations
To put in the effort to keep your desire and spark alive
Love, even when sometimes, you might not feel love for your partner
Because here’s the bottom line.
A relationship doesn’t happen by chance.
Instead, it requires ongoing effort, communication, and commitment from both partners to build and maintain a strong, long-lasting, and fulfilling relationship.