What Should You Do When Your Parents Don’t Support Your Goals?
Parents are supposed to support your goals, right?
Well, it’s tough and heartbreaking when they don’t. You end up questioning your decisions. Your capabilities. And your worth.
Then in your late 20s, you realize you spent your whole life seeking their approval. Their compliments. And their genuine pride.
Even when you think you’ve overcome their limiting beliefs, their words and actions still cut deeply.
If you can relate, I empathize with you. I’ve been on a journey to cope with parental expectations and self-worth myself.
Here’s what I’ve learned (and am still learning).
Stay Quiet
In the beginning, I tried to educate them about it. I shared what I was doing. I explained my process. And I tried to understand and soothe their concerns.
But it felt useless. They still said hurtful (though unintentional) things.
Am I angry at them? I used to be. Not anymore.
I realized their words and actions stem from love, not ill intent. From wanting what they think is best for you. And from their past experiences and beliefs.
Though I can understand their intentions, their words still hurt me. I’m not at the level of unflinching self-love yet. Maybe, one day.
So, for now, I’ve decided not to talk to them about my goals anymore until I’ve achieved them.
Talk Less, Do More
Since I stopped talking to my parents about my goals, I’ve noticed two things. One, I have more time to work on them. Two, I have more drive. Why?
Well, I learned you get a “premature sense of completeness” when you tell people about your goals. In a nutshell, you stop pursuing your goals because your brain believes you’ve already achieved them.
I’m also fueled by my parents’ limiting beliefs. It gives me more drive to prove to myself that I can. That I’m capable. And to prove to them they’re wrong.
Altogether, I’ve been talking less and working harder.
Keep It Under Wraps
I used to share my problems with my mom a lot. I’d tell her when a client didn’t pay on time. When a client changed my workload. And when I got ghosted.
But I stopped doing that because I realized sharing struggles gives them evidence I’m doing the wrong thing.
So I won’t be doing that anymore.
Share the Positives
I share my small successes. Like when I sign a new client. When I get positive feedback. Or when I hit new milestones.
Your parents (hopefully) will start to support and believe in your goals if they have compelling evidence that they’re achievable.
Final Thoughts
One of the greatest acts of self-love is listening to your intuition. If you feel in your heart that you’re on the right path, commit to it.
Do what you think is best for you regardless of what your parents (or anyone) say.
Ultimately, you have to live with the consequences of your choices, so choose the path you won’t regret.
Photo by christopher lemercier onUnsplash